Unpredictable

Finally.
I know what i should do.
=)

My feeling

Khim:

=(

I'm tired,

I'm unhappy,

I'm depressed,

I've been ignored,

I'm alone.

I'm still thinking about him. T_T

My First day/ My Birthday

I received an unique suprise when I was eighteen year olds. It was A perfect, impressive, wonderful day for me. It was also one of the most memorable days of my life. That day was my birthday. This was the only flabbergasting birthday that I have ever had since I grew up. I realized that how close actually my friends with me.

That day was the first day in ELS, I started my first lesson , level which was 102. I was nervous as a cat with a long tail in a room full of rocking chairs. I didn't have anyone to accompany to study at ther. However, the teacher who taught me was an English person, from Canada, Hannah. She was my reading and writing teacher. She was a gregious,friendly teacher , she always be patient while teaching and even more sometimes my classmates would ask for extra help, but she never got annoyed of that. I felt like a limp dishrag due to my study hours , it was too long for me or even others and I have to get up in the early morning to go to school.

When the class over , I was about to return home, walking like an old woman, alone. Once I was walking , I ran across one of my friends who I knew her for a long time. This was what I thought ''What a coincendence.'' Actually it was not, she came here on purpose, for me, to celebrate my birthday. I was shocked and suprised because I had forgotten all about it, I didn't even know that it was my birthday. I was glad and could not explain the feeling I was having at the moment. My mind was kind of blank like a silly child, I opened my mouth big enough that could even insert a glass into it.

It was about seven something o'clock, I just returned home. I took off my jacket and left my bad aside, and my empty bottle, jumped in to my bed as my Mom realised that I hadn't taken my shower yet. When I was about to sleep, a shouting voice which came fromdownstairs. " Go take your shower before I take action on you! " my Mom yelled to me while chopping the meat. I groaned, and stood on tip-toe and peered to the bathroom and closed the door as slowly , quietly as I could without letting her knew. As soon as I took my shower, I heard some crazy voices from downstairs. I was disgruntled that my plan was spoilt. I went downstairs to check it out. While heading down to the lobby, it seemed murky that I could see my fingers. While I was walking, the lights turned on abruptly and I was startled, all my friends were there with their smiles like angles welcome the queen coming. At the moment, i only knew that it was my birthday party and my eyes were weeping. It aws such a touching moment. While I was standing , glancing at them and my family, they sang the birthday song to me. I cried with my uncontrolled feeling of the happiness. I was really suprised.

During the party, I only realised how close I am with my friends and family, even tough we didn't keep in touch all the time due to works and studies. I didn't notice how my mom loved me, she kissed my forehead and said happy birthday to me till this day.
I was so greatful to them and said thanks to everyone while crying, rubbing off my tears. I knew that friends don't have to keep in touch all the time, and it didn't mean that forgot all about you, that is what friends are.

Stupid!!!! Idoit!

I'm really STUPID ! ! ! !
I really don't know who I am.
Why I am stupid?

Overwhelmed

Sigh.
I'm stressed and frazzled.
What's wrong? I'm trying my best don't let it get to me.
I was looking at my work, I couldn't do anything on it.
I have no idea to complete it.
Holiday makes me lose myself. I hate you.
You always make me down down and down.
You make me memorise that something I don't like to remember or think.
I don't want holidays or any vacations.
I hope I could have an accident that wil make me lose all the awfull memories that I have had.
I hate this frustrated feeling. I hate!
I can't get rid of you.
You always interrupt me.
I did my best but I couldn't get what I want.
Why the people wasn't serious to do it, but they still can get what they want. Why can't I?
A depressed day that I'm having again.
Shall I think positive in everythings?
The more I hoped the more I disappointed.
Why seem I always got negative things ?
Stupid!

Hurts

Does everyone know what hurt is?
Have everyone experienced hurt?
People who get hurt are unlucky, aren't they?
Why do they want hurt people?
Why they always apologized after hurt each other and will certainly do it again and again ?

Why are people so selfish?
Why they always just do what they want without considering of others?
Why are people so cruel?
Is it all the people are cruel? Even me?
No one can describe what the feeling of hurt is.
Some people say hurt is a good experience though their life.
They could learn from their mistake ?
Then why they keep repeating the same mistake on people?
Does anyone know that it's hard to stand after you get hurt?
It only takes time to be tough back?
No conclusion. Mystery.

25 April 2010

@@"

I have been long time don't update my blog and even I have fogotten that I got a blogspot.
I was terribly busy lately since I started studying.
But, it was great during the lesson.
I have met a lot of international friends.
They are so friendly.
I like them much. I have enjoyed studying with them.
I told my friends that about my studies and even my cousin also.
They all disagree that I study at there because it was too expensive.
But I really like to study at there. I love there.
I'm pleased that I can meet a lot of international friends.
Besides that, I realized that I really love English so much.
By the way, I still the same that always afraid of everythings.
I can't face it. I keep avoiding of it.
I usually feeling down in the dumps when I bored or alone.
Would anyone like to tell me that what could I do?
What can I do when I'm feeling depressed?
I wasn't able to concrentrate in my studies sometime.
There's something might appear on my mind when I'm studying and it made me couldn't focus.

I'm exhausted. I hate myself.

=)

I'm going to study on that day.
That day gonna be a good day.
I had took my exam.
Already know which level am I.
Hmm...
Anyway,
I'm pleased that I could study at there.
This week is the last week that I working at ING.
HOHOHO XD
Going to make new friends.
Maybe it is a only time to be friend with them.
That's what I want.
lalaalallaala~~~

Trying~

Again the word- Tired.
Its made me cried.
Tears dropping...
It's been for a long time.
But there's no change from me.
I usually lose control by my thoughts.
How many times I comforted by frenz?
Why am i useless..
Why ?
Keep on bleeding status..
I thought keep on working is the only way that I can do.
Avoiding.
I was in ruins last night.
I think I couldn't be alone.
Someone asked me why i keep on sigh for all the time?
Why dont you be happy always?
What you get from sigh?
Nothing rite?
Should change a way of thought from your mind.
I trying ? Doin'?
Not doin'. I'm trying anything.
Should be doin'.
I'm trying to forget bout him.
Not doing.
I'm trying to control my emotion.
Not doing.
I'm trying to move on.
Not doing.
I can't find 'you' back, you know?
Where were you gone?
I can't live without you- happiness
I'm still standing on bleeding status.
Cause all I did was trying ain't doing.
Sigh.
I' trying my best!!!!!
No!
I'm doin' my best!
I seems going to collapse...

I keep moving on

Well...
I decided to stop this job.
Going to study on next month.
I felt like wanna go for travel.
How tired am i this recently...
No. Should say I always tired after that..
I keep on working working...
Really damn tired. Can't express that feeling.
However I sleep, still not enough..
Tiredness still always with me.
My mum said me I'm over working?
Or I'm workaholic?
No. I think I keep on avoiding..
Sigh?
Someone said sigh will kill what you want to do.
I thought its truth.
I'm trying to control emotion.
Sometime its really awkward.

Hmm... I saw him last week through Friend's birthday.
While I saw him, there's nothing feeling..
But while gone, the piece of my heart was still missing him.
I tried to cry out sometime but realised I had no more tears.
Only painful in my heart.
Did you know I have no more 'feeling' of others..?
No. You don't know.
Because of no 'no feeling' ,
Made me can't start my new life.
That feeling was evaporated.
I can't find it back already however I tried.
That feeling only can get from you.
My ji mui will ask me when i get my new bf ? Usually he asked.
There's no answers of it.
I just told him I don't need anyone.
Well..
I don't wanna think too much of it.
I just wanna enjoy my single's life with frenz and studies.